Chasing Curiosity and Peace

I am grateful!

I am never been that much grateful before. I am grateful for my understanding of concepts and ideas that I didn’t understand before. I am grateful for the ability to learn and to develop. I am grateful for being older and mature.

I am grateful for being able to communicate in different language s with different medium and to understand different cultural, political and social contexts.

I am so grateful that for the first time from long time I feel in my element, confident, I understand easier, reflect easier and respond wisely and smartly. Continue reading

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About learning, aging, and confidence

There are two phenomena in life that never stop amaze me: healing and learning.

Both phenomena prove for me that we are far far away from understanding our own system, body, and soul.

The simple fact to understand a word I did not know before or to start to use it in different context, or to comprehend a concept in life and in work that i used to hear but never been fully conscious about its implication in real life or in practcie, simply amaze me, blow my mind and make me feel a deep gratitude toward life and God.

Learning is amazing, understanding is enlighting, awarness and conscineous are a bless. And all comes with age and the accummulation of experiences and learning. I am celebrating everyday aging and lessons.

It occures that when i started my conscious life path, in my early twenties, I was complitely aware that i am nothing, and i know nothing about life, people and definetly about myself. With the years passing, tI had this growing confident that emerge to fill all the empty wholes that i have in my soul, and answers, ideas about what is right, wrong and what should be done and how just jump on my tongue witout even thinking about it. However this same confidence and certainity that i always seeked became a source of worry as well.

Well, I am not sure that I should yet worry about it. What I can confirm though that everything i was thinking it is right, i am not sure anymore about it. With no exception, everyone i used not to like that much or even found repulsive, i start to like, to appreciate or at least to understand where they stand and come from.

This is simply confusing! All this eveolving and changing position through the year make the same confidence gained by the years, be shaken and doughted.

The ongoing back and forth positioning, opinion changing and non stop embrasment of the opposition are tiring and exhausting, but I have to say it conforts me.

I always thought that a person does not become an old dying person by the number of days and years that s/he has been living. They dye simply once they become too sure of everything. When they have a fixed idea about life and what things should happen and how. When they have this confidence and certainity and per consequences, this unflexibility and unability to change and to respond quickly to their surroundings. Remember the dynosors !

The systems failed us!

Although i never considered myself a revolutionist nor activist per se, I think that i was deeply affected by the revolution or the uprising of 2011, or whatever we can call it now.

Back in the time, I never felt belonging to any activist, civilian nor political groups, so I was somehow participating adhocly neither in an organized nor even a planned way. I simply participated following my inner voice, marching and chanting alone, or with my sister and close friends, haphazardly.

I witnessed all the events as silent participant and sometimes as an observer. I witnessed the crash of the system on the 28th of Jan, the vacuum of power, the resistance, the counter-revolution, the referendum election, the first real election, the daily clashes with an old rotten system, the Muslim Brotherhood rising in the power, then crashing, and the return of the most mediocre, violent and corrupted military rule ever over the country. Continue reading

The different Narrative of the Self [2]

On the wild beach of Abou Galoum, staring at the sea and the mountain shadows of the other shore of Saudi Arabia, only one month after I took off the veil that I wear for thirteen years. I sit alone and lonely reading.

There, I came across this quote from the book of Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known “[…] We are always comparing what we are with what we should be. The should be is a projection of what we think we ought to be, Contradiction exists when there is comparison not only with something or someone, but with what you were yesterday, and hence there is a conflict about what has been and what is. There is what is only when there is no comparison at all, and you live with what is, is to be peaceful.”

At that moment, these words illuminated something deep in me, almost liberated me, not only from the external world judgment, that I subconsciously feared or challenged, but also and mostly from my own perspective of myself. Continue reading

Histoire

Voilà un texte que j’ai écrit en Juin 2009, que je publie ici tel qu’il était écrit. Si je réécris ce texte aujourd’hui, le vocabulaire fervent et naïve changera, mais surement pas l’esprit!

Avec les premières notes de musique, commence l’histoire que je rêvais tant d’écrire, c’est avec la voix effrénée sans frontière qui s’élève, que mon histoire se déchaîne

« كل واحد منا فقلبه حكايات  répète la chanson ; et c’est là que  mon cœur débordé d’histoires  commence à raconter, à se révéler. L’histoire est simple, de la même simplicité de la vie de la mort. La même simplicité du début et de la fin. Soudaine et douce. Continue reading

A long post of a clueless woman about love …

Like a gentle automn breeze, a fresh orange juice in a summer day, a view of a green forest with warm reflections of sunlight and shadows.  This is how I felt in his presence.

Long walks to nowhere, long talks with calm voice with a broken English and exotic accents. Despite of the two different worlds we come from, we managed to meet somewhere in the middle, where the time freeze.

He was, I believe, one of my rare acquaintance from the opposite sex that I met without any particular reason: not for study, nor for work, nor for any networking purpose.  Two persons met for no particular reason but to talk and to get to know each other. Continue reading

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Breathe In And Breathe Oouutt..

I don’t remember when I had my first session of yoga, most probably from five years ago, but what I can remember is the awkwardness and the self-consciousness feelings that I had every time I moved my body. Every time I went to exercise or attended any kind of a session to exercise in order to lose weight, I had this overwhelming experience.

I have been always intimidated by my weight. It is the result of a long history of being bullied by the elders and the strangers. Throughout the years of my younger age and till the current moment, I lived many embarrassing moments and shame. For long time I avoided anything that can reflect the image of my body. Later on I started as an action of self-acceptance, to walk naked and to stare at myself in the mirrors of my room. Continue reading